Professor Tubbi Calculari

They keep him locked in a box under a table and only let him out to work on schemes:

Rabbit-powered stealth sub
Harvest children's screams to power secret island
Sewage into sherbert via alchemy

He comes out and says, "I need Pick 'n' Mix. Give me Pick 'n' Mix!" No Pick 'n' Mix for him. They feed him fumes from Bunsen burners and flakes of used Litmus paper (He says: "Neutral. Let them be neutral").

They ask him "What is the time?" when he is holding acid.

They make him wash with a pipette.

Once every ten years, he has a holiday to the room next door, where they show him slides of their holidays to the Seychelles, which he watches from his box.

On his birthday, they are always sure to surprise him with a shiny new box.

In his box, he dreams of Pick 'n' Mix and wonders "What if beasts lived as men?"