God speaks to Bediheppit on the Mountain of Pigeons

The Mountain of Pigeons

Lo, the Mountain of Pigeons!

The seventh son of Horispot was Bediheppit, and Bediheppit was a pious man. It came to pass that Bediheppit climbed up unto the very summit of the Mountain of Pigeons - and lo! he did hear the voice of the Lord, his God, coming to him as if out of the air. And God said unto him: 'Bediheppit, son of Horispot, I am the Lord, your God. Obey me and you shall sit on my right hand for all eternity. Defy me and ye shall suffer to be boiled forever in the seed of poxy donkies and the pot stirred with axes by the scrofulous hordes of Satan.'

And Bediheppit replied: 'Oh Lord, tell me what I must do. But let it not come to pass that I should sit on thy right hand lest it go to sleep.'

'Do a headstand,' God commanded.

And lo! Bediheppit did a headstand.

And so, God beseeched him: 'Do a forward roll.'

And lo! Bediheppit did a forward roll.

'Do backflips. Do backflips,' sayeth the Lord.

And lo! Bediheppit said, 'But, Lord, I know not how.'

And the Lord spoke unto Bediheppit and said: 'Backflips! Backflips!'

And lo! Bediheppit attempted backflips and fell insensible into the dust.

And the Lord God saw that it was good and found much merriment in his misfortune.