Zoot Suit Dispute

A stretch of asphalt. Zoot Man 1 ambles around it wearing a zoot suit and felt hat. Zoot Man 2 enters wearing underwear.

Zoot Man 2: I have mislaid my Zoot Suit.
Zoot Man 1: Where did you last see it?
Zoot Man 2: I was wearing it when I went to sleep. When I woke up, it was gone.
Zoot Man 1: It is a mystery.
Zoot Man 2: You are wearing a fine Zoot Suit. Where did you get it?
Zoot Man 1: I bought it last night.
Zoot Man 2: From which shop?
Zoot Man 1: I cannot remember the name of the shop, but that is no reason to think that I have taken your Zoot Suit.
Zoot Man 2: I have also mislaid my fine felt hat.
Zoot Man 1: Where did you last see it?
Zoot Man 2: I placed it on the night stand. When I woke up, it was gone.
Zoot Man 1: It is a mystery.
Zoot Man 2: You are wearing a fine felt hat. Where did you get it?
Zoot Man 1: A friend gave it to me last night.
Zoot Man 2: Which friend?
Zoot Man 1: I cannot remember his name, but that is no reason to think that I removed it from your night stand.

Zoot Man 3 enters wearing a Zoot Suit and felt hat.

Zoot Man 1: Look. That man has stolen your Zoot Suit and fine felt hat.

Zoot Man 2 and Zoot Man 3 fight. Zoot Man 3 is killed.

Zoot Man 1: I have told a terrible lie. I stole your Zoot Suit and fine felt hat.
Zoot Man 2: But I have killed that man for the very same crime.
Zoot Man 1: Yes. You were in error. Now you will go to prison for murder.
Zoot Man 2: Are there Zoot Suits in prison?
Zoot Man 1: No.
Zoot Man 2: That is a devastating blow. [Long pause] I would like you to have my Zoot Suit and fine felt hat.
Zoot Man 1: Thank you. I have always coveted them.

Zoot Man 2 exits. Blackout. An hour passes. Lights up. Zoot Man 1 is wearing two Zoot Suits and two felt hats. The body of Zoot Man 3 is in underwear. Zoot Man 2 enters.

Zoot Man 2: I have been released from prison.
Zoot Man 1: Joy.

Zoot Man 2 and Zoot Man 1 perform a celebratory Zoot Dance. Music: The Bright-Winged Bird of Freedom.

Zoot Man 2: Now that I have been released from prison, I require my Zoot Suit and fine felt hat.
Zoot Man 1: They were given to me as a gift. It would be inappropriate to return them.
Zoot Man 2: Then I will take that man's Zoot Suit and fine felt hat.
Zoot Man 1: That would be stealing.
Zoot Man 2: Nevertheless, I will take them.

Zoot Man 2 looks at the body of Zoot Man 3. He looks at Zoot Man 1.

Zoot Man 2: You appear to be wearing two Zoot Suits and two fine felt hats.
Zoot Man 1: You are mistaken.
Zoot Man 2: Give me my Zoot Suit!
Zoot Man 1: It was a gift!

Zoot Man 2 and Zoot Man 1 fight. Zoot Man 2 is killed. A reveille sounds on an unseen trumpet. Zoot Man 1 solemnly removes his felt hats. A banner is revealed with the legend, “Man's inhumanity to man”. The reveille ends. The unseen trumpet strikes up a jazz tune. Zoot Man 1 dances from the stage. Curtain.